skang pukul 3.38 pg...n i'm still awake....just about to go to sleep, but i saw something that got me thinking...
betapa jauhnye aku dari keadaan sebenar skang...lama sangat da aku memendam rasa n mengharapkan all these crap feelings that i had would gone...for once, i just wanna be free...
i had many good friends n i just not one of them...aku bukan kawan yang baik...i tried, but that's not enough...i tried to cry so i can let all the things got washed away by my tears, but doesn't feel like it...how am i gonna express these feelings....???
aku selalu pikir, apa yang akan jadi kalau aku berterus terang?
boleh ke orang terima???
sama macam dulu ke orang tu dengan aku???
betul ke aku akan rasa release bila da cerita semuanya???
kawan yang paling lama aku kenal, n paling rapat, terasa makin jauh...aku rasa, bukan dia yang menjauhkan diri, tapi aku...sejak peristiwa tu, lama da, tapi sampai hari ni aku jauh hati...aku yang sepatutnya gembira dia da ada seseorang yang dia suka, bertukar jadi aku benci laki tu...sedangkan laki tu pun kawan aku...
aku xtau macam mana nak cakap benda ni kat dia...Allah aje yang tau macam mana susahnya aku kena berlakon supaya xabvious aku punya rasa benci ni...n i know she's not stupid...i know she knew...
everytime i think of her, air mata ni asek nak mengalir je...how i miss those days when we are so close n how helpful she had been to me...tapi skrang???
wishing her 21st birthday is not as exciting as other birthdays...aku lupa birthday dia...ak terjaga pun sbb alarm bday bunyi...kalo sebelum ni aku determine nak jadi the 1st one to wish, tp aritu, i forgot!!! damn me!!! maybe jugak dia xmengharapkan lagi aku jadi the 1st one to wish...damn!!! now i'm crying againnnn!!!!
i love this person so much....no one can ever replace her...the only one i know...
i cried when i didn't pick up the phone when she called bcoz she's sad....
i cried when she cries....
i cried like hell when she had to leave me n go to another school...
i cried just by knowing she had a problem...
my face just lit up when i talked about how wonderful she is...
i smiled and all my troubles gone just by receiving her messages...
i smiled when recalling our memories together...
i'm so proud to have a friend like her...
i'm too proud, sampai aku rasa xboleh kongsi dia dengan siapa2....
we had this dream yang nak pursue study kt luar negara at least once...nak rasa cmne dok negara orang...aku still lagi pegang dream tu and aku xtau kalo dia still lagi berminat...n if she is, i'm not sure whether she would like to go with me or with someone else...
everytime aku balik kL selain nk jumpe kakak n anak buah aku, aku nak sangat jumpa dia n just lepak, borak2, catch up a few things, girl talk...just the two of us...sebab xtau bila lagi ada masa tok lepak since masing2 pon da semakin dewasa...
i want u to know,
aku kalo boleh nk jumpe ko ari2...
lepak ngn ko ari2....
jadi the first person to know sume latest story ko...
bwk ko jln2 bile aku da berani bwk kete...
celebrate bday ko kt tempat yg ko suke....
go out shopping walopon just nk menyemak je kt kedai tu sbb xde duit pon nk shopping sebenarnya....
main buaiyan sama2 n just menikmati cuaca ptg tanpa ckp apa2 pon...just enjoy the silent evening....
blaja kt oversea dgn ko...
jln2 kt negara org mase tgh blaja kt sana...
main salji sama2....
aku nak jadi pengapit ko mase ko kawen...
teman ko dalam labour room...
babysit anak ko, kalo ko kena keje n aku menganggur...
n many more........................
if non of those we can do together, at least, remember me as ur friend....remember u've once had a friend named Nur Aizat bt Kamarulzaman...that'a all i'm asking for...
